Will OCD ever go away?
Disclaimer: Before reading this article, I want to make it very clear that I am not a medical professional of any kind. When I talk about mental health, I am talking about my experiences and the things that have helped me. Please always seek professional advice if you’re struggling. I want to get one thing clear. If you have a great image of me in your head about how I’m really put together, and not crazy in the slightest, don’t read on. Go and make yourself a cup of tea and do something else — because this post will shatter that illusion. Anyway, with that being said, time to out myself as the loon I am…
The first thing to pop up on Google when you search ‘Will OCD ever go away’ is a hopeless, kick in the nose ‘NO.’ Well, not quite. But there is little reassurance to be found:
I’m asthmatic, too… So, I guess you could say I’m chronically out of breath and stressed about it.
When Googling anything remotely related to mental health (or health in general), the worst thing you can be faced with is ‘there is no cure.’
OCD (obsessive-compulsive disorder) is often depicted in films as someone who is obsessed with cleanliness. They might clean their hands after touching someone or rush to put a coaster down at lightning speed to prevent a mug from being placed on a bare surface. Although some OCD sufferers do experience cleanliness compulsions, that isn’t what the disorder actually is.
People with OCD often have distressing thoughts and engage in ‘rituals’ to alleviate anxiety. The main thing that sets OCD apart from just ‘worriers’ is the persistent and intense nature of these thoughts and actions, which take up a significant amount of time each day.
When I was first officially diagnosed with OCD, I thought the doctor was mad (pot, kettle, black). I remember scrunching up my nose and blowing air between my lips in a ‘you’re wasting your time here, doc!’ sort of way. But, as it turns out, my symptoms are textbook. They were (are) as follows:
Thought: “All your family are going to die and you’re going to be left here on your own.” “If you don’t do X then your family will die.”
Distress: This thought gets repeatedly more graphic, such as how they might die, what they might look like, etc.
Compulsion and rituals: My rituals were ‘touch wood,’ and repeating to myself that everyone was okay. When that didn’t work, I would say it aloud (yes, even in public). And when that didn’t work, I wouldn’t eat. I would tell myself ‘if I don’t eat for 3 hours, everyone will be okay.’ These also got progressively worse.
Temporary relief: Temporarily, my anxiety would be a little easier.
Repeat: The obsessive thoughts return pretty quickly and sometimes worse, so the rituals get more extreme.
Now, this is a very soft and cuddly rundown of what my OCD looks like. And, during the darkest moments when I really didn’t know when they were going to stop, I turned to alcohol and other forms of mind-numbing sedatives (which is one of the many reasons I no longer drink…) I wouldn’t eat properly for weeks, and when I did eat, my mind would punish me with thoughts of ‘good job, look what you’ve done, you’ve killed everyone.’
My sarcastic brain is Simon Cowell.
I think one of the worst things you have to come to terms with is the fact that these thoughts aren’t ever going to go away. I’m a fixer, I love to improve and change where I can. So, being told that this mental condition you have is chronic is soul-destroying. Every OCD sufferer I have ever spoken to has said if there were a magic pill to take to turn those thoughts off, they would - and I don’t blame them because, well, same. I was also fed up with reading things like ‘Don’t worry, it gets better!’ because it clearly didn’t. Except… it kind of does.
I don’t mean that OCD gets better and you’ll be magically cured. But I do mean you’ll find your own coping strategies that genuinely do help. Some people find that in exposure and response prevention (ERP) therapy, others find it in prescribed medications, and others just adapt. It’s different for everyone. Personally, my routine for keeping my OCD under control is things like:
Eating, and eating properly.
Taking my vitamins.
Keeping on top of my (prescribed) medication.
Walking.
Therapy.
Anyone trying to sell you a wonder cure for OCD is a fraud - throw something at them and run for the hills, my friend. But, that isn’t to say help isn’t out there, because it is. There are so many brilliantly trained therapists who know the ins and outs of OCD and truly want to help. Sure, you might be stuck with it like a really unpleasant, rude and verbally abusive shadow, but shadows disappear in the light.
